Like everything in life, in nature, is a slow transformation, so too is the case with your “health”. We do not suddenly become ill. Even when we catch a cold suddenly, even when we have an accident unexpectedly, nothing happens actually instantaneously; as much as an accident may occur over a split second, what actually led one to that accident transpired over a period of time that was longer and from well before that split second. Things don’t just go wrong. Like I have said before in my Lightning Bolt Phenomenon post, lightning does not just fall randomly anywhere, we send out the signals first, we attract and the response comes from the “universe”.
Thus just like, several things lead us to a situation, develop and unfold, or reveal an “illness”, there too must be several steps taken to then address said “illness”. Change “positive” or “negative” happens over a period of time, how long each period is or will be, no one can really know. Sometimes, things add up one at a time in the background and then bang a small thing triggers an event which causes the outward change, but in truth, the last addition was not what was the sole cause of the event, no matter how much it may seem so, it was just the straw that finally broke the camel’s back, but it is not the straw that is actually the reason, it is all of everything else that lead up to and transpired before the straw came into play that caused the straw to be able to have the impact that it did. In the same way, with “healing”, sometimes, one remedy can start the chain reaction needed to unravel the energy trapped with us, and it is enough, no other thing is necessary to instigate change, however, many times, because our lives are so complex, we need several remedies given strategically to instigate any change. Sometimes clients say, oh you gave me this and this and this, but it didn’t do anything at all, and then when you gave me this, this is the one which only helped a little, all the rest were “rubbish” just give me more of that again don’t give me anything else. Well, firstly all I can say to that is, I’m glad the last one helped, but how can we really be sure that the other’s didn’t do anything? The straw and the camel also apply here too. Sometimes, we need to prime the situation before so that the straw can then come into play, if we only relied on the straw on its own, it likely may not have much impact, or at least have much less impact than it does when given after the other apparent “inert” ones. The issue is, we are always in a rush, always looking for quick fixes, too quick to judge and move on. We need to slow down and give things their due time and respect. Just because we are hungry and have a full plate of food in front of us does not mean we open our mouths and pour it all in at once down our throats! That would not “fix” our hunger now would it! No, the food needs to be eaten in small bites and each bite chewed and swallowed properly before the next bite can be taken; and even with that there is an etiquette, we start from the part of food closest to us and work our way around the plate systematically not just eat through the meal haphazardly like we do not know what we are doing. A homeopath is trying to create a dialogue with your being, with your vital force. When you visit the first time, they hear what you are telling them, they respond, then you have to come back and “talk” some more and then they “respond” again accordingly. That is the only way a "dialogue" can be formed, otherwise you are not having a conversation with them, rather only just said “hi” and moved on. A morning hello to a stranger on the street is not going to “heal you”, deep meaningful conversations build on trust will; whether the conversation is a real conversation or the above metaphoric, either way, it is all dependant on our connections. The deeper, stronger and bigger our connection is to something, anything, the more impact it has on our lives, its simple common sense really if you think about it, nothing mystical and elusive about it. I reach out and make the connections with the people who are important to me, with the people whom I want to have impacts upon and from in my life; it’s up to you to reach out and form connections with the people you want to have connections, thus impacts with and from. As a homeopath however, I don’t check in after my clients, reminding them of follow ups; they know where I am, they know how to reach me. And that is not because I do not care about them or value them and all that they bring, rather because it is up to them if they want to have a connection with me, it is up to them to want to heal, and up to them if they choose to include me in their healing journeys. “Healing” is not only a journey, but also a choice! No one can "heal" you, except you, because "healing" is something that happens on the inside, on a subconscious soul level; you have got actually want to "heal" yourself for "healing" to ever take place. Some of us, become too attached to our illnesses, we start identifying with them; we actually, despite our complaints of our ailments, do not want to part from them as strange as it may sound. Because believe it or not, illnesses are not actually our enemy, they are a part of us, they are us communicating with ourselves, subconscious to conscious; and deep down somewhere we know this. We know that our illnesses are telling our story, and we at some deep level, do not want to let go of them because we have become too "attached" to them and our story. What we need to understand is that “healing” will not change our story, it will not dampen it, or take anything away from it. It will not “change” us. Healing is a journey of recognising our story, learning from it and growing from it and allowing our next chapters not to be cocooned by our previous. By “healing” from our experiences, we cannot change those experience nor the impact that they had upon us when they happened; by “healing” from them what we are allowing to do is, show that we are much more than those experiences, that those experiences cannot define us nor restrain us, we are choosing to live on despite them and not being imprisoned by them. It’s like a scar, when we fall over and cut ourselves on the knee and begin to bleed, we do not sit there by the road side being engulfed and paralysed by the bleeding; no we wipe off the blood and pick ourselves up and carry on, allowing the cut to seal itself and scar over. Over time we may even forget that that happened and that we have a scar; we do not let our life be revolved around the scar, or incident. Sometime later we may even catch sight of the scar again and perhaps recall what happened but again we will remember it fleetingly and the move on. In the same way we have to look at our “bigger” “illnesses/ailments”. They are not there to be dwelled on, and neither for that matter is our life or our “story”. We need to learn to treat life like the road side trip, address it, treat it and them move on. The more we hold on to things the longer they stick around, going stale and mouldy, giving off a foul stench and making us “ill” from it. Life brings you lessons to learn and grow from, not “destroy” you with. If a human being can fully recover from a near fatal accident, where not only every major bone in their body was broken, but it was also advised for by the doctors to have the machines switched off as they are looking to be most likely brain dead - then are we not underestimating our ability to heal?? If you are standing here today, then is that not proof in itself that whatever you have faced in your life you have overcome it! As the old saying goes: whatever does not kill you, only makes you stronger! So whatever it is that you may have faced in your life, you got through it!! You got over it, you defeated it. It is time to brush yourself off and pick yourself up and walk away from it. You are not the conquered, but the conqueror. And if you are standing here today in the middle of sh*t, feeling like you are drowning in it, then work through it one piece at a time; with each piece you address, with each puzzle you solve, you release the pressure it may have been mounting on you today. Remember: with each unravelling strain, you reduce the impact of the straw; and hunger is not “fixed” with a landslide of food going down your throat, it is addressed one bite at a time… And don’t forget to chew on it ;)
0 Comments
Education that takes one away from religion is not in your interest. It actually makes you less smarter not more.
This type of education teaches you two and two makes four. And you start believing it. That two and two makes four. Yes you are quite right it does, but what they don't tell you is: 1 & 3 and 0 & 4 also makes 4, as does 5179 take away 5175 also make four! We get too fixated with one concept, one idea, one line of thinking, that we forget all the rest which is just as, if not more important. Allah has created man and woman as a blessing for each other. To find peace and comfort in one another. Allah has made sex a vehicle for this, just like he has made food and shelter also. Just as science would also tell you, Allah has made sex a vehicle for reproduction. But when we focus too much on the vehicle we lose the real plot. A child is not born because you had sex, a child is born because Allah Willed it. Like rain does not fall because there are rain clouds, rain falls if, when and where Allah Wills it; a person does not die because they are ill, a person dies because Allah Wills it; we eat food at the local restaurant not because we can afford it, but because Allah Willed our grains to be there. We get so caught up in the whole two and two makes four that we forget it is not the coming together of the two and two that makes 4 but Allah Who allows it to be. One can try every trick in the book to both become parents or equally to not become parents; but nothing on either side of the spectrum can, does or will work unless Allah Wills it. If you are meant to have 10 children you will have them by hook or by crook, no matter what precautions you may take including even not having sex! If you are not meant to have any (or more than one child say) than no power, no procedure will allow it to be if Allah doesn't Will it. Understanding this most simple truth can change your life. I have hinted at this concept before as well in my Rizq series, But I thought I should indulge in this a bit further. I know one can say I am being “irresponsible” by preaching that having sex does not result in any “unwanted pregnancies”. But it is only “irresponsible” of me if I did not fully believe in this, which of course I do. The question is what do you believe? Do you believe in Allah’s guidance? Do you believe in Allah’s plan? Do you believe in Allah’s Rizq? Because if you did, no pregnancy would ever be “unwanted”! Allah Always, knows and does best. Now if you are not following Allah’s guidance, instead following your desires down a forbidden path, then yes you can and might tag a pregnancy as “unwanted”. If you don’t believe that this is the best thing for you and that Allah always knows and does best, then you might tag it as an “unwanted pregnancy”; but what really is the issue here, the pregnancy or the weakness in your faith? If you worry that you cannot afford to have a baby right now, again what really is the issue, the baby or your lack of belief in Allah’s promise of provisions – Rizq? So you see, it is not the pregnancy that is at fault, but our lack of Iman! I say this because often we are very much unaware of our own shortfalls, our own weaknesses. These things are not here to point fault at anyone, but rather to remind us – all of us, myself very very much included – that we need to look at what actually is the problem, not what we think is the problem; because often it is our own lack of faith and clarity that fools us into passing blame onto something else, where the “blame” actually is not upon that at all. This is an invitation to start looking at things differently; start seeing the shortfalls in our own Iman; start exploring the real truths of the world, not what “Science” teaches us, but what Allah, His Messenger and His Guidance teaches us. Don’t limit your world to two plus two, there are infinite ways of making 4. Unbox your mind. This is Part Two of a Two Part Series... Click here to read part one
They say one should work smarter, not harder; but what are we doing in this modern world? Working ourselves to the bone to reach a mirage, how is that smarter? No matter what one may or may not have, the food going into us all gets digested in the same way. You can break and fry an egg and eat it that will cost you 40p or you can eat a deconstructed reconstructed egg for £90, NOTHING WILL CHANGE! Either way all you ate was an egg, either way how it will get digested in your body is the same, either way what the body will get is carbohydrates proteins and fats from it. In fact, actually in truth you probably will lose some nutrients in the process of the deconstruction and reconstruction and probably your body may have had to work a little bit harder to digest this twice processed egg. So in truth, you worked harder and paid more to actually get less nutrition and probably lost more nutrients from your body in the process for achieving the opportunity to eat the deconstructed reconstructed egg; so in actual fact you were better off just eating a “normal” fried egg earned for in a more “normal” way. Another thing, one might say: oh but you cannot compare the taste, the £90 one tastes so much more different and better; you are paying for the taste, the experience etc etc.. Really! Go and ask any Chef, no matter how innovative, crazy and experimental, they will all tell you their favourite food is that of their childhood, cooked by their mother or grandmother. Taste does not come from ingredients, but from the hands of the person cooking it and no one can put more love in a meal than a mother or grandmother, thus no meal can taste better for anyone than that cooked by their own mother, because she is not feeding you food, but love. No matter who anyone is, how they cook, what they like to eat, all anyone is ever trying to do is replicate the taste of their mother’s cooking; but this is not something that can be bottled and sold, because what makes that food what it is, is a sentiment. Don’t believe me, well Oobah Butler, a journalist at Vice Magazine, indirectly proved this very phenomenon to us with his The Shed at Dulwich; that it’s not the actual food, but our perception of it all that makes us think something is more than it is; or conversely think something is less than it is. Ambience, presentation, cost, accessibility all deceive our senses into convincing us that what sits in front of us is so much more than it actually is. However, in truth as mentioned above, in reality it is probably less due to all the processing that it under goes; or in the case of Oobah’s restaurant, it is probably a pic of shaving cream and his foot, or that which sits in front of you is a plate of food from Iceland! We need to distil our thinking. Money does not equate to Rizq, we need to understand this. If you are meant to have only 5 grains of rice today that is all that you can have, no matter what you do you cannot change this. The reasons why someone has only 5 grains of rice can and may differ. For example: a person can only have the 5 grains because he is too poor to have any more; another can only have 5 grains because he is too sick to have any more; some other because he could only steal away 5 grains; another might only have 5 because they are dieting; one might have 5 because that is all that they are hungry for; yet a different person maybe only eats 5 because that is all they have time for and yet another perhaps only has 5 grains because they are in a fine dining restaurant that serves tiny portions! So you see, “wealth” cannot determine Rizq! They are not two of the same! The Rizq that is written for us is written, and nothing can change that. How Allah has our 5 grains packaged and parcelled to us may differ, but the quantity cannot increase just because someone may appear to have “more wealth”. Now this does not mean that I am saying one should just sit lazily at home and not make any effort from their own part thinking my Rizq is fixed anyway so why should I struggle, it will get to me I don’t have to make any effort on my own part. No, that is not true. Again let’s look at the packaging I mentioned above. The reality we live in, how much effort we put in, all make a difference on the packaging. The poor man will eat the same, but perhaps feel an emotional hunger stemming from the thought that if he had more wealth he could have had more grains of rice. The dieting person may feel emotional pains of hunger, thinking perhaps if I didn’t need to diet I could have eaten more to my satiety. The thief, likely maybe suffering from morality hunger, where his lack of morality is leading him to steal rather than work for his 5 grains. Whereas on the other spectrum, the person who only had hunger for 5 grains may feel satiated naturally, but the sick man may feel “health hunger”. The rich man, may be full on his ego and feel satiated from that rather than the actual meal; and the man rushing round probably is too hungry for time and may not even notice what food has or has not gone into his stomach. So you see, life is how we paint it for ourselves. What we need to be is a “grateful man”, one that is not hungry for something nor full on other things. One that can see that Rizq is from Allah SWT and that HE is providing me today what I need for today, however it can be or is packaged is not that important, because if I can fill my image with the right colours, then the package can change. So how do we fill our image with the “right” colours? What are the right colours? Are there only one set of “right” colours? This is where it comes back to understanding that Rizq and earthly wealth are not connected. Rizq and work are not connected. Do in life (as in your "work") that which you want to do, be in the world how you want to be, because that is how you wish to be. Don’t do things thinking: will this be a stable source of income for me? Disconnect from the idea that Rizq is dependent on work. When you start living life how you want to (so long as it does not go against or take you away from Allah's guidance), start doing things that you want to, then you will start enjoying life, irrespective of how much worldly wealth you may have, irrespective of how much Rizq you have. Rizq goes beyond just grains of food or money in the bank. Rizq is a concept that is far greater. From provisions to facilities, from places to experiences, Rizq encompasses all the amenities that enable life; grains of food are just easy to wrap our heads around so it is easier to use as an example to explain the concept, but it is not limited to it. So the thought(s) that prevailed from my epiphany is: *Don’t confuse more money with more Rizq. *More members of the family working does not equate to more Rizq. *More members of the family working does not mean more comfort, on the contrary it means more struggle and strain on the family, because you have to pay for it in other ways that are most likely more harmful and detrimental for the overall wellbeing of the family and its members. *There is nothing wrong with a woman working, but wanting to become a breadwinner at the expense of being a mother is not healthy (again referring to “normal” household, not that of single mothers or of those that are supporting ill husbands). Sure women can work, but not with the intention to “provide”, but rather because they want to do something on the side for themselves, for their personal growth– this is important because when work is something they do for “themselves” on the side, it does not take “centre-stage” in their life. *For men on the other hand, work is something that is “centre-stage” in their life so it should be something that they enjoy, not something that they feel is “a better bet” for getting a good stable income – this is important because coming back to the Rizq packaging, the Rizq is fixed and pre-determined, so regardless of what they do, they will get the same amount of Rizq, so one might as well do something that they enjoy that can become a means for Allah SWT to bestow one’s Rizq through, rather than do something that they do not enjoy, because this will then determine how that Rizq is packaged for us and therefore how that will be received by us – i.e. will our soul feel satiated by it, or will it feel any type of “hunger” due to it. Its comes back to what I have talked about previously – “unframing”, in my Finding Gratitude Post. Everything in our life is dominos all lined up, what and how we face each one does not matter. It does not change the domino and what it is meant to do, regardless of whatever frame and colour we superimpose on to it. See life for what it is unfiltered and unframed. How we experience life, is up to us, not what will happen in our life. How we frame life, defines our journey, how we experience each frame, narrates our story; but neither can or does change its destination… Wishing you all Peace and Blessings. This is Part 1 of a 2 Part series.
I just had an insight today; it’s not really anything new per say, but what has changed is the depth of my understanding of it. We have all heard growing up in the Muslim world that Rizq ( loosely interpreted as your income/livelihood/food) comes from Allah SWT. We all understand this, accept it, repeat it and often have faced instances of astonishment of say: how we thought one food was for one individual, but the “name” on those grains actually belonged to another. We have marvelled at this and many more such miracles of Allah SWT when it comes to Rizq. But we still often fail to understand and accept that Rizq and work are not connected. It is often seen that our “work” is the primary source through which Allah SWT provides Rizq, but that does not mean that that is the only avenue; and that this means is necessary to get Rizq. No, not at all. This is where we are often misguided and confused, often without even knowing and realising that we are so. For example: sometimes we get things that we needed or wanted as a gift from someone, or we go to someone’s house and we eat a meal with them, or someone surprises us with a box of chocolates or sometimes we get more for our money - like in a sale. These are all examples of where Allah SWT is providing us our Rizq through avenues other than our “work”. Just like Allah SWT has created one frequent avenue that He provides us offspring through, He has a route that He favours as an avenue for Rizq; but it is important to understand: neither offspring, nor Rizq are dependent on the route! One has a child not because of any physical actions of the human beings, but because Allah SWT Wills it AND that is it! There is no room for dispute, but only if we could see this, (to read more on this, read my "unbox your mind" article). Equally we get, and will continue to get the Rizq that we are meant to get, irrespective of what route(s) it may come from. Now this is an understanding that I have held for some time and I fully believe, however, today the epiphany that came to me in regards to this was furthermore fascinating… Often we think: we need more money, quite a normal widespread thought I’m sure; and often we think the remedy to this problem is, “earn” more through more work. So often as a family we think, if one spouse is working and we are getting X amount, then to get more, the second spouse should work. This will mean then the household income is X + Y taking the household income to now Z. Simple maths right? Or is it?? Now that is the question, and a question that is very powerful. We think life is simple where X+Y= Z, so where X was not sufficient to meet our “needs” in a way where we had left over income to do “more” with, now having X+Y= Z, will now give us Y as an “extra” for the "more". Logically one thinks this makes perfect sense. BUT, what we do not factor in is, that to allow Y to be, there is a cost as well! So Where X+Y=Z may be giving us “more” income, originally x was the only out going we needed to meet when only X was the income. Now we have an added expense that has come due to Y, ‘y’. So now, our outgoing that we have to meet is no longer x, but rather x+y=z! SO what does that all mean in simple English?! Well, simply put: The net Rizq we have now is still the same as before, despite more physical money moving around. The moral of the story: to increase one’s income maybe easy, but to increase one’s Rizq is a whole other matter; because as I said above, real Rizq and work are not actually connected. One can increase the physical pennies coming into the household, but if your Rizq does not go up from Allah, those pennies will not “stay” with you. It is not how many people work in a household, it is not how much income one gets or not, because, real Rizq is not confined to money. By having more members of the family work, all one is doing is splitting the actual house’s Rizq across the different people, not increasing it! THINK ABOUT THAT FOR MINUTE, DEEPLY! Do you understand truly what that means? What that is saying? You are still getting the same amount of Rizq, but working harder for it as a family! Therefore you end up not only paying for it through your own healths, but also the wellbeing of your whole family. THINK ABOUT THAT! By letting go of the guidance and practices that Allah SWT has set for us we are making ourselves diseased. Diseased in heart, mind, health and family. Allah guides us that the man should be the breadwinner in the house and the women should look after the next generation. But in the modern world, women feel that they should be given “equal” opportunity to be the breadwinner. Now we must understand here the difference between “working” and being a “breadwinner”, they are two very different things! One is not necessarily a breadwinner just because they are working! Allah does not say that women should not “work”. Our Prophet’s first wife, Hazrat Khadeeja, was a very successful business women and she did not stop being so just because she got married, what changed however after her marriage was her responsibilities. She was still a big successful business women, but she was no longer “the breadwinner”, -wait what? I hear you ask... How can she now no longer be a breadwinner if she is still earning? The difference is our understanding, or lack thereof, between working and being a breadwinner. They are not two of the same things. You see the biggest difference between the two comes from what each means, one is a responsibility, the other is an act. Prior to marrying our Prophet she was a widower who had to fend for herself, afterwards when she became his wife, she no longer had to psychologically concern herself with her upkeep. The problem is not with "work" itself or even having wealth or an income, the problem arises when the woman is put in a position where she has to chose between being mother to her children or working. Again I feel this is another concept that has been muddied and confused. What does it actually mean to be a mother. What does it mean to be a mother to the children. It does not mean cooking, cleaning, feeding bathing etc.. No. No, the most important “job” of a mother is to give Tarbiyat to the next generation. What is Tarbiyat – now for those that do not know this word, loosely translated, Tarbiyat is giving guidance. Giving moral, social, spiritual, mental and emotional guidance/education. This is not something that is to be taken lightly. This is not something that can be done on the fly. This is not something that can or should be taken as a bolt on, an afterthought, a when we have time thing. It is something that needs to be purposeful, which requires presence of mind, clarity, commitment and time. This is the most important fundamental job of a mother’s role, not just for the household, but in and for society. The biggest problem with the woman having to be or become a breadwinner is, that when she has to shoulder that responsibility, than she cannot shoulder this responsibility properly. We may have two shoulders, but at any one time they can only shoulder one thing properly. This is not to say that this is impossible. Of course it is possible to do both, I have a living example of this before my own eyes, but one must point out also, that those are rare cases where the mother has had to shoulder both responsibilities, and that these women that do shoulder both are not career driven, or feminine rights activists! No, these women who have had to work, to be the breadwinner for the family, have worked for the sake of income; not for the sake of working. There is a big difference. Women who work because they want to work are a different breed to those that have to work because they are the only one who can be a breadwinner for their family. The reason why I say this is because, those that want to work will prioritise their work in their outlook on life, they will make long term decisions based on their work and career, contrasting to those that work because they are having to be the breadwinner, they will make sacrifices in their field of work/"careers" for the sake of their family’s needs. (DISCLAIMER: these are just generalised scenarios presented only to explain the points at hand, not concrete judgments passed on any individual. I do not hold any stereo types against people, I know everyone is unique and individual, and each person’s story, situation and personality is different. Please do not get held up on examples that I am only using to explain the bigger picture.) Back to the difference between “working” and being a breadwinner. There is nothing wrong with women working and earning; what is not right (in normal situations) is this work transforming into being a breadwinner role (where it is not necessary). Because when that happens the other responsibility, her real responsibility, has to be side-lined. This then is what causes moral and social problems widespread in society and we find a society that is running on over drive trying to achieve something that they themselves do not even know is what. Men are designed to be breadwinners, that is their God given role in life, literally! A man’s role is not to be the one to give Tarbiyat. They are not designed for this role. That is why you will find men, especially in the west, can do the household chores; but what they struggle to do is be a "mother" to the children; a true mother. Because as stated above, a mother’s real job is not to manage house logistics, but rather to nurture healthy human beings in its truest sense, something which comes from maternal: instincts, intuition, insights and sensitivity. We need to use the right tool for the right jobs; men are given the role to protect and provide so that the mother can be free from concern for these things and give her time to raising the next generation properly. This is how Allah has created our partnership to be for the betterment of humanity. This is why, if a women wants to work there isn’t an issue as such, the issue arises when she takes on the masculine role of being a breadwinner, which induces a silent silencing of the maternal energy. The role of breadwinner has a masculine trait and brings forth characteristics that stir up masculine energy. When this is sought after by women this throws out the delicate balance of the yin and yang energy both in oneself, the family and society as a whole. A woman who is “self-sufficient” does not need a man to be "a man" for her, instead needs just a person to be next to her. So the relationship goes from a man holding the wife (and family) in an invisible embrace as a human shield, to a man just holding the wife’s hand, as “equals”; the latter being a weaker link because the need of him is also weaker. As with anything weak, they cannot stand the test of time, thus we end up with broken homes, societies and humanity! Allah’s system is perfect by design. Don’t fight it. Understand the wisdoms in it. Embrace the guidance, even if you do not understand it. Women have been given a very important role by Allah, thus the Jannat (Heaven) under their feet! Do not compromise this role for a mirage. More does not equate to more. The husband has been given the responsibility to be the breadwinner, trust that whatever Rizq you are meant to have, need to have, you are getting it. The wife does not need to work for you to have more Rizq. If you are meant to have more Rizq, that Rizq will find you. Like the Angel of Death will find us no matter where we hide, our Rizq will find its way to us no matter upon which Mountain we may reside! What we need to do to increase Rizq is not work more or try to earn more, but instead, give more, be more and live more. What does that mean. Give more in charity, this comes back to us Ten Fold, that is Allah Promise; and not just our money, but time, energy, love and knowledge. Be more grateful, truly grateful and thankful to Allah SWT for whatever HE has given us, is giving us and will give us. Most importantly, do not underestimate the power of Duas, both your personal duas, duas that others give you and duas that are recommended to read by our Prophet. These are the real ways that we can increase our Rizq. And remember Rizq is not confined to money or food. It is also how we are living our life. The more we actually live our life, truly live, the more comfort we will find in it, as we will no longer be fighting life, no longer be trying to achieve a mirage, we will finally be fully embracing and indulging in each moment of life and accept each moment and seeing each moment in its full glory. Read Part 2 for the Conclusion of this Series... Click here to read part two. It is often difficult, especially when the story is “ugly”, to see that it was necessary.
It is very easy to say and believe that things were meant to be in this way when we have a beautiful path we have walked to reach the destination we have today. However, when for example: a child is pulled out from under the rubble of a collapsed bombed building only to find their entire family has been wiped out, it is very hard to say: “it’s okay it was a part of the journey they had to lead, it is a part of Allah’s plan, it was a necessary hard life they had to lead to become who they needed to become”. The mind and heart are not willing to accept these things as “okay” and “God’s plan” or even, dare I say, an important happening in the child’s life. But would Andy Murray be the man he is today had he not been in that fateful classroom the day that the massacre took place? Would Thomas Edison have become the man he did had he not had the teacher who kicked him out and the mother who then shaped up his learning. Although both above instances possibly still not as traumatic as the above mentioned example of the child, and perhaps not many famous examples of people exist who have ‘survived’ such a horrible experience; but that does not mean to say that despite it being so much more traumatic, and despite it not having any famous “happy endings”, that it too is not a necessary happening - that it too has not forged out of a hellish fire a truly magnificent person. Not every famous person is great and not every great person is famous! I think back to my beloved English Teacher, may he rest in peace, when he died there was no “state” funeral, and yet he was a man (like many others I am sure) worth of such! He touched and changed the lives of so many children who then have in turn gone on and continued his legacy multi-fold into the fabric of this world. Truly the Chinese proverb holds such truth, if you plan for 100 years, teach! The impact a teacher has cannot be measured, and a really great teach weaves their essence and teachings into the fabric of society and moulds it from the inside. Some of the stories we heard on his funeral were truly mind blowing and yet only the people who met him know his name; his impact however, reaches far far beyond. His childhood although was not the rosiest; and again, for him to become the great man he was, he needed to have faced the ugly side of life. So why am I saying these things. I want to invite you to see past your scars (we all have our own battles we have fought and scars that they have left behind), to what their presence has enabled for you and your journey. I want to invite you towards acceptance of a different level. I want to invite you towards Gratitude. And before you think anything, I want you to hear me out first. Life sometimes has to put us through difficult learning curves to shape us; to enable us; to forge us. Every metal ore needs to go into the furnace to come out stronger purer and more in its ‘element’. I do not know your story, I do not know your scars, but the experiences you have had and the people you have met along the way, have each in their own way, helped you into becoming the you who you are today; from the ones that put you down to the ones that picked you up, each in their own way have been necessary in your story. If we do not brave the storm we cannot cross the seas to find our island paradise. If you did not take this exact journey you would not have found your ‘island paradise’ with its ‘golden sands’ and ‘cool sea breezes’. Sometimes we head out to sea thinking we need to go into a certain direction and end up in a certain location. But Allah has His own plan for us. He does not want us to go to the island in the East, He knows the island we truly need is in the South. So, He sends our way harsh winds and rough seas. We can try fight it for as long as we can and not make much progress; or we can learn to harness the wind, work with the wind and go in the direction that life is taking us, and also trust in the direction life is taking us is what we need today. And when we stumble upon our true ‘island paradise’ and rest in its golden sands, only then when we look back at the journey can we truly appreciate that we needed to take it so that it could lead us here. Yes, it may have been horrible and hard, and tested us beyond our imagination, but we are here. We learned to battle our storms; we learned to tie knots we didn’t know how; we learned to control our sails to best harness the winds; we discovered uncharted territory and found we could manage our way safely through; we discovered our resilience, our patience, our determination, our perseverance is much more than we could have perceived. Sure, there may have been days when brother wind got too rough and mother nature rained on us hard and threw us about on harsh seas, we even got thrown over-board a few times, but Allah sent us our “saviours” to help us back on our boat. And while there were rough days there were days of sunshine and calm too; where father sun smiled down upon us and embraced us in its warmth, giving us strength to go on and showed us the way to go forward. If we didn’t face harsh winds and seas, we would not need any saviours in our life, if we didn’t get drenched by stormy clouds we would not appreciate the warmth of the sunshine… I don’t want you to just see the silver lining in the clouds, I want you to feel the importance of the rain too. If there was no rain, there would be no life. When a lightning strikes a dry barren land and causes fire and “destruction”, that very fire and destruction makes way for new life to grow from that barren land. The lightning ‘supercharges’ life back into the barren lands. But why am I saying all this to you. I want to invite you to think of things in a different light. Because thinking is the key! Our reality is not what it is, it is how we see it. Yes, sure there are somethings that are facts, but in and around the facts we paint a picture of a reality that we see. For example, when we stub our toe, it hurts! – Fact! But we then paint this fact with our colours: “someone put that there maliciously so we could get hurt”; “someone put that there carelessly and we got hurt because of them”; “I am so clumsy, so careless, I am hopeless, I keep getting hurt everywhere by everything there must be something wrong with me”… and so and so forth, we can paint it in any way. But the truth is, we stubbed our toe, and that is it. The rest are our formations, shaping up a reality. We need to separate out the facts from the colours we are superimposing upon it. The truth is we stubbed our toe - now we can exclaim ouch, rub our toe and move on with daily happenings like nothing happened; OR we can exclaim ouch, rub our toe and sigh or get annoyed temporarily and think need to watch where we are going a bit more before we move on; OR we can become angry and vindictive and blame someone for maliciously trying to hurt us; OR we can be angry and annoyed and blame someone for being careless; Or let our low self-esteem cause us to become guilt ridden and spiral into self-pity and self-loathing… etc etc. SO, it all comes down to our thoughts. If our thoughts are shaping up our reality; then by changing how we see things, think about things, can ‘change’ our reality; aka reframing. Reframing does not change facts, yet it can change how reality shapes up around the facts. Reframing can and sometimes does help some people; it can, for some instances, help to step out and take a different look at the scene (NB, this is not to say that one should create false realities and live in denial. No. that is of course also not healthy). However, I am not going to be asking you to reframe anything. No, the contrary, when we understand that our thoughts shape up reality, then we do not need to get too caught up in the realities that our mind is shaping up. So actually, we do not need to reframe anything, if anything what we need to do is unframing. We need to remove the colour and see truth as it is. Our thoughts are like glasses, by changing the lenses we change the colour. We can change the lenses all we want and every time we will see the picture with a different colour. But if we understand that the colour is superimposed and actually we can take off the glasses and see the picture as it stands then we don’t need to worry about any colour we can or may see the picture in. The truth is the picture, that cannot be change. When we can understand that the colours we see in any picture is what then induces the feelings inside of us; then just like we can detach the picture from the colours, we can detach our feelings from the truths. Our feelings are personal, they are superimposed because of the reality that we shape up; they are not inherent of the experience, they are not exclusively in and of the experience. The experience, i.e. truth, is just that – an experience – it is there for you to gain something of and from. Experiences do not have colours (our thoughts) or flavours (our feelings). We attach the colours and flavours to them. So just like we can attach them on, we can detach them too. Now what does that achieve? Imagine: You live a moment: a vey horrid, cruel and cold moment; where a perpetrator heartlessly abuses you, physically assaults you and verbally abuses you. You feel the cruelty of the moment in the moment, you feel the cruelty of the moment years on too. No matter what you do, you cannot escape the ‘truth’ of the moment as being horrid, cruel, cold and heartless. You cried then, you cry now. Now one can try to reframe it by saying: well the person was ill in their minds, they were partly drunk, they did know any better, etc. but nothing can actually change the ‘truth’ – your truth of the experience – because how you experience something is still a truth! That is how you experienced it! And yes, the truth is: you did experience a horrid, cruel, cold-hearted physically and verbally abusive moment, which no doubt has been life changing… Now when we look at it from the perspective of our superimposing of colour and flavour, we can pick apart the experience in a different way. You feeling the moment was cruel, horrid, cold and heartless, is your feelings of the moment. Although true, because that is how you experienced the moment in the moment, they are YOUR feelings. They are not exclusively in and of the experience itself, rather how you experienced the experience (one person can and may experience an experience slightly differently to another). You experienced it in this way because you thought of those abusive acts as being: cold, heartless and cruel. And yes, where majority people today would hold the same or similar views of an abusive act as such as being: cold; heartless; and cruel, it still does not make it the truth. The truth is: a person hit you and said some words to you. That is it, that is the truth. … It is our social dictates, which shape up our belief systems; these belief systems then go on to make us think that an act is: “negative”, “wrong” and “hurtful”. Undoubtedly the act of getting hit physically hurts our physical body, but so does falling out of a tree; so does over working our arm muscles in the gym; so does menstrual pain, or better yet labour pain. So why is one pain branded as “good” and one pain brand as “bad”; pain is just pain is it not? Does all pain still not equally cause us discomfort? Our morality does the branding; but where does morality come from? As humans we have created certain codes, orders, systems, acceptable norms and behaviours, but even in that we have variations throughout different generations and cultures. It is these belief systems that control our thinking, that shape our thinking – that shapes our realities and our truths; but if we can take a step back and remove these parameters and then look at a situation we will find the situation to be neutral. Because that is all it is – a situation; an experience; an event. Without which future events, situations and happening cannot follow and unfold. A situation is just a domino in a line of dominos. The dominos are all just neutral, no one domino more important, or bigger, or smaller, than the other and yet each domino vital in its own right; even if one domino is missing the show cannot go on. So with that said, it does not matter how you experience the domino. There is neither anything wrong with how you experienced it, nor is there any need to rethink of: how where or why the domino was as it was. It just was, and that is it. It was necessary because it was elemental for the show to go on. When we can understand this, then we can let go of the colours and flavours that we have attached to the experiences, because although that is how we experienced them and it was vital for us to experience them how we did for the next domino to fall, at the end of the day all those experiences are just dominos in a line. Whether we have tagged an experience as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ is just our superimpositions and in a way ‘irrelevant’; how we may or may not have tagged them actually bares no relevance in the grand scheme of things, they are all just dominos in a line – each the same and each just as vital. When we can view our past experiences as dominos and allow the colours and flavours to ‘fall off’, then we can free ourselves of the hold these feelings have had upon us; allowing us to fully embrace and carry on in our life without being weighed down by the weight of a heavy heart (because that is where all our feelings live on unless we can let them go). Whether an experience was ‘good’ or ‘bad’; hurtful or beautiful; made us sad or happy; angry or worried, it does not matter now. The experience is gone, it served its purpose which was to tip the next domino in line. It was a lesson, not a life sentence, you can let go of it. Whether someone’s behaviour was ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, ‘good’ or ‘bad’, does not matter, the branding is superimposed by our belief systems. How someone should or should not behave is based on parameters that we have imposed. When a mother leaves her baby and goes to work it is branded as 'bad', but when a father does it, it is 'right' or 'good'; when a shark eats its young, its 'ok', but when a human beats their young, its 'wrong'; when parents throw out there 18 year old, it’s 'good', but when a 50 year old throws out their 80 year old parents, it’s not. The human condition is full of contradictions and nuances, morality skewed to favour one or another; the social dictates work for some and not for others, some fit it some don’t. The more one attempts to micromanage and understand, the more life eludes us and leaves one bewildered... The key is to let go. The experiences brought to you in life are by the Will of Allah. They are necessary. Experience them as you do, true to yourself and the moment, but then let it go. The experience is here to shape you and your life; don’t cling on to them, don’t judge yourself or others on the bases of the experience, that is Allah’s job. Whether pleasant or unpleasant, let go of the feelings you have attached to the experiences, they served their purpose in the moment, but they are of no use to you anymore; they will just keep you anchored in the past. Even clinging on to happy memories keeps us anchored in the past, preventing us from seeing what is spreading its arms for us today. Sure, visit memory lane from time to time; but remember you are just a visitor, not a permanent resident! You can rise above your feelings. Yes, life may have hit some really rough ones your way, but each pitch was necessary. The behaviours of some people around you, although ugly and uncalled for, has nothing to do with you. It does not define you, it does not represent anything of and about you. They were hoops and hurdles you had to jump on your journey to here, where you are at today, to enable your journey to come this way. Like the rungs on a ladder they have fulfilled the purpose they had in your life and now you can move on from the fact that you tripped up and got hurt on them, you have climbed up much further ahead from that time, it was a lesson you had to learn from, not your legacy. …. One can go around with ‘sands of time’ cupped in open palms to their perpetrators to show to them: ‘look how you have wronged me’, ‘please apologise and change your ways’. One can go to these people bleeding from the cut on their finger in hope for a sticky plaster, yet not get one. One often has to tend to their bleeding wounds themselves, applying pressure till the bleeding finally stopped on its own and eventually scars over. Over time one learns they are not going to get a “sticky plaster” from their perpetrators and that one has to find their own; so they turned away from them, but often they do not let go of those grains of sand. No, instead they clench on to them in their fist(s) in hope to one day still show to them these grains of sand to make them see and realise something from them. One can try to get on with their life, but with a clenched fist(s) no doubt it is hard to do things ‘normally’. I am here to tell you: let go of those sands of time, there is no point in clenching your fist. When you open your fist you will find there is nothing left in there; those grains of time have long slipped out from your hand. No point in trying to clench on, it won’t achieve anything, instead it is just preventing you from living your life comfortably now. Even if you went to them and got them to admit that they have sharp edges you cut yourself on; them admitting is not going to make any difference to your life today, you have already realised that on your own and taken precautions not to get too close as to cut yourself off of them again. Them owning up to their sharp edges and offering you that sticky plaster now is not going to help you, you cannot go back in time and give yourself that sticky plaster, it’s pointless for you now; you don’t have a time machine and if you did, you would go back in time and stop yourself from getting cut in the first place – not give yourself their sticky plaster! So let go of your clenched fist, there is no point in keeping it clenched when there is nothing left in it and nothing to come of it. Let go and relieve yourself of the energy you are having to put into clenching your fist; open your fist and relax your hand, then see how much more easier it is to live your life without clench fists… ... I don’t want one to have to reframe, rebrand, rethink their way out of anything! Like the teachings of the Japanese Art of Kintsugi, I want for one to be able to stand tall and be ok to wear all their scars out, because every scar is proof of one’s strength and what they have overcome. We should not need to pretend or gloss over any aspect of our life, they have all made us the people we are today… Life, is the experience of discovering ourselves. I wish for one to be able to let go of the hold their past has upon them so that they can truly arrive in the present. One does not need to meditate to find inner peace and presence of mind, all we have to do is let go of the past to arrive in the present (btw I have nothing against mediation, I think it is a fantastic tool as an intermediatory to help us process and let go of the past). When we arrive in the present that is when we find gratitude, true gratitude, for our life’s existence – inner peace, thus wellness comes as a side effect. We do not need to be or become grateful when we discover gratitude, it lives inside of us in the form of humility. True inner peace, gratitude, beauty and joy are not cloaks that one can wear, they are states of being. We cannot force our way to them, like a mirage the more you chase after them the further away they get. We will not be able to find and stay there when it is force, we have to arrive at them as a side effect to better living. They are not a destination, rather a way of living and being. Let’s live well and let the rest take care of itself. MAE OUT! |
MY SoapboxThis space features my reflections, opinions, ponderings and from time to time announcements of what I am up to. It literally is me in my corner on my soapbox. Search for articles by topic:Categories
All
Archives
April 2024
Back to Column Vault |