As people we are always learning, growing and evolving all the while still living life.
Life happens around us and we happen around life and together we co-exist in a sort of dance where we bend and twirl, shuffle and twist while we co-exist in this space of ever vibrant and volatile energy. I am sure those who have been following my story for a long time, whether here on this web space, or via a more personal connection, you will already be witness to how my life has evolved over the years. This of course keeps going on and will keep going on for as long as I exist, I will dance my weird and qwerky dance with life for as long as life has me here. So what’s the new rhythm that life has me bobbing on these days I hear you ask? Well it’s a tune that’s been playin’ on my mind for some time now. It has surfaced a few times earlier in my life as well, but for the last two years it has definitely been playing in the background of life for me. So let’s go a little further back in time shall we, in the famous words of Timon from Lion King 1 ½ “We’re going way back… to before the beginning” So let's go to before “the beginning” so to speak. I have always had a little “issue” let say to start off with, with social media. This obsession people have with posting pics of their meals, never really sat well with me, both on a social/personal level as well as a more religious and spiritual level. Then there are the pics of themselves here there and everywhere, it’s quite a self-obsessed act if one thinks about it. Not to mention all the random totally unnecessary “updates” that, no one needs to know; wants to know; or should know. Along with all the inappropriate one as well: both on a social level; personal boundaries level; as well as a privacy level. And let’s not even get started on the point blank wrong posts which are nothing but down right mean, full of bullying and abuse. I mean the fact that I even have to write it is just wrong! It should never exist, yet we all know what society is like. If anything social media has actually given rise to this type of behaviour and indirectly supports it, without it exactly being its intention for doing so. The very detached and faceless nature of the medium allows us to come out and say downright nasty things and walk away without a hair out of place for it! I mean come on, can we really not see how it is completely desensitising, thus dehumanising us! Not to mention how ugly, nasty and hurtful on multitude of levels this behaviour is. I would really really hope that at least a descent portion of society can still see this, otherwise really it would have been the end of the world. SO back to me (the very self-obsessed creature that I am). Like I was saying the very essence and being of social media never really sat well with me. Firstly for the longest time I do not understand (and still don’t!) why anyone thinks that people are interested in reading my random “updates” of I woke up and had a cup of tea etc. really NO ONE CARES! No seriously NO ONE CARES! But as life would have it I ended up subscribing to FB, because I was told: I can be in touch with old class mates etc. and there is one point in life that we sit there and think that would be a good idea, and then of course you do that and then remember oh wait that’s why I hated school to start off with. Well no, I didn’t really hate school, I actually did love it. But yes some of the less nicer memories of school life sometimes do resurface with such interactions. Anywhoo, I pressed on and when things got way outa whack for me on a personal level, I deleted half my FB contacts, most of which were all those supposed school mates that I went on to “connect” with on FB to start off with. (What a waste of energy! she says rolling her eyes) So that was the “start” so to speak of my FB and social media journey, which spanned over a few years. Then I stopped using it almost completely and would go on it only very rarely. Anywhoo, life pressed on and things changed drastically both on FB and the rest of the social media world, as well as my life: not drastically changed, but it started to change. So I found myself making a bit more of an appearance on FB again. And then late one summers day in 2019, I thought I need to set up my own business. So then I thought hmm.. well that means I will have to use social media for advertising, Uggg I thought!! Just the thought of it was like ekkhhhh! Anyway, so I decided to dive right in, set up insta (ekh), then I set up twitter (hmmm), and started to be more active about what I believed in and stood for on FB (emm). I started having to remember to take pics of food that I would make, which never really happened, so the photos were very drip drap and definitely lacked flare like a lot of the now very versed and established food bloggers’ pics were. Because, well let’s face it, it was never me! I never agreed to it, so it never had my heart in it. Therefore, it could never really take off, common sense really when we are willing to look at it clearly. I was not trying to be someone else so to speak, I was still trying to be myself; however, using advertising through social media for my “food stuff” was never really me. I was forcing it on to myself, like forcing on a coat made for someone else just because I am cold. I use to think that if I wanted to “get anywhere” with my business then I have to, “I have no choice”; but of course, we always have a choice! So fast forward to watching “The social dilemma” movie Sept 2020; all of my feelings were confirmed and reaffirmed. I knew all of the stuff that was being brought to light in the movie already, I knew it, I fully believed it, but that movie really made me think that, if I already know this stuff and I am so anti it all then, what am I doing here?? What type of example am I setting for me children? [There was a time when I used to think that in order for us to protect our children from it, we also need to be aware of it and all its “happenings” ( I have written about this in an older post “a little bit of techyness”). Now however, I think no! We can make a life without social media and that is what we need to show our children that life can be easily and very happily lived without social media. Just like there is no negotiation for "Tik Tok" in my mind, then why can’t there also be no negotiation for FB, Insta etc. ] So coming back to the social dilemma movie point in time. That is when things started ticking for me, clogs started turning and I started working on my “exit plan”. I started slowing saving all of my intellectual property on my machine, so I do not lose all my posts. I started exploring other avenues etc. Then of course the whole censorship heavy, long hand of Mr Money came out in its full ugly force; and I though: Right! Things are just getting from bad to worse! Not only are there the general inherent issues of the social media world, but now taking away our freedom of speech on this mass level! That is just not on. SO operation exit was kicked up a notch. I started looking at other spaces where I could have my voice outside of my website. In the midst of it all, there was also the big who ha over WhatsApp’s new T’s n C’s beginning of 2021. This led me to start using Telegram and Signal as a back up. So now fast forward to late 2021, as I sat there thinking about using other mediums, I decided to give Telegram a better look and set up my telegram channel. At the moment it doesn’t seem too bad, but I’m not planning on getting too comfortable. I’ll be ready to leave if things start looking not right here as well! In the meantime I also stumbled across MeWe, which again does appear not too bad at the moment, but I don’t trust any of these companies if I am honest! So let’s see. For the time being I have a tiny presence on Telegram and even smaller on MeWe; but that is the direction life has taking me upon at the moment. And I have to stop here for a mo and say: I am not saying all of these things because I am self-obsessed, or that I think you all are super interested in my life. NO! I am not that delusional! Lol! No, my purpose of sharing my journey is so that if anyone else is struggling with similar things and needs another perspective, or needs to hear a similar perspective to their’s to help them out with whatever steps they need to take, then maybe reading the notes on my journey might help them in someway. In terms of Twitter, well, it’s not that they have not been heavy on the censoring I am aware that they have, but for some current indescribable reason I feel I still have a bit of a soft corner for twitter. Maybe, because I enjoy writing little inspirations on it, or maybe something else who knows. But for the time being, for better or for worse, I have decided to stick it through with twitter for a little longer; but let’s see. Again, this little corner can also very easily be overridden if push comes to shove, but for the moment its seems to have survived my detoxing surge of 2021. How long it will survive, only time will tell. In the meantime I also moved away from Linked in, which I do not think I even knew how to use, TBH. I am sure there were lots of issues there too, but I hardly knew anything much about it. However, the mere fact it belonged to the company it did, was enough for me to decide to move away. Am I a hypocrite to still use some mainstream SM products and not others; am I a hypocrite to be so anti some Meta products and not others like WhatsApp... Maybe. In fact, most probably, if I am honest... Well, the way I look at it is: firstly it’s the company that owns it and their whole demeanour. Then, it is the product and what and how it is being used in general and lastly how am I using it and how am I encouraging its usage as well. Based on all three I made my decisions, so yes some people might label me as a hypocrite and so be it, can’t please everyone. But the way I see it, I have a system in my mind which I used to determine my actions and make my decisions at the current time. At the end of the day that is all that matters! Are you able to answer honestly to yourself, are you being truthful to your true self? Authenticity! Learn it! If you can be true and authentic to yourself; you can answer to that little voice inside your head with truthful integrity for your actions and decisions and BE OK with them, THEN nothing else matters! I will always be wrong in a way with something in someone’s book, that is the nature of the beast; but if I can at least be at peace with my own decisions and understand and differentiate why I made the decisions and took the actions that I did (any decisions and actions in life), then that is all that matters. Your actions need to live well with YOU, within the heart of your soul; because if there is dis-ease there, then there will be disease here later to follow... The debts we take on in life today, take over the scales and distort the balance of life for tomorrow... MAE OUT.
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My love of "Britishness" extends far before my arrival in this country.
I have been forever in love with the flavour that the British bring to the world. My romance with the days long ago, when men dressed as proper gentlemen and women in their fancy gowns with hats gloves and fans. An era that though is from long ago still lives and thrives deep within the British soul. Our "properness", in any ceremonies, our fuss and pomp with all the uniforms and parades; the spectacular display of the red arrows on special occasions; all the history and heritage that is preserved, lived and relived and cherished in our modern lives. This is what I love most about the British Culture: we keep the past alive!
O My beloved Bihari family, help me bring Bihar back to me… It's been lost along our journeys it's been hidden away behind the glossed over Englishes… But deny it all one wants, it lives and breathes within our soul... It shines through our every dish It laughs with our every story… Please help me preserve it for our future generations… our ancestral stories are getting lost with every passing of our elders.. Our oh so proudly flashed around eclectic taste buds are losing out on culinary treats once our grandmas used to slave away in kitchens to make… Our lifestyle maybe different now, our fancy gadgetry may save us from the painstaking ways of our ancestral cuisine, but if we don't save it now, dishes which we have once tasted in our childhood or sadly have now only heard names of, will be lost forever…. For our future gens, let's come together and document our heritage together... Any stories any recipes please help me preserve them and make them accessible for all our children to read, enjoy, use and be proud of…. I wish to take no credit for anyone else's work I will accredit each piece with its rightful authors… my dream is to only preserve and spread… I thank you all in advance, even if you have nothing to share on the site itself, please share and enjoy this space with all your families, this legacy belongs to us all it yearns to be shared! It's time we brought Bihar into the limelight it deserves….
JEDDAH, KSA
No matter where I may roam there is only one place that my heart calls home… Jeddah Jeddah is dil ki jaan tu hi hai, Jeddah you are the soul of my heart! It's not perfect but no place ever is or will be, I grew up in this city it's my “hometown”! There are so many memories people who grew up here can relate to, only they can understand. I can't even begin to pen down my memoirs without getting all choked up with nostalgia. Where do I start with, do I start with my most awesome school experience I had, or do I start with all my amazing like minded family friend's circle, or maybe the food. Maybe I should start with the one thing that is lost. The one thing I use to enjoy and boast about… the one thing I miss most from my childhood when I think about Jeddah when I visit it now, something that would identify it. That one thing was it's array of roundabouts. At every cross roads there would be roundabouts, now someone living in the UK would think "and your point is, London is the city of roundabouts you shouldn't miss it", but these weren't just painted on the ground like UK. There was a unique feature on each and every one. Something that was so Jeddah something that we would identify as us and us as it. You knew where you were exactly looking at the roundabout in front of you. Directions would be given with the reference of these monuments on these roundabouts. All that is now lost. I can no longer say I live near “taiyaara chowk”. Newcomers to the city would look at me thinking I'm coo coo, they just don't know. Bar “cycle chowk” and a few others dotted near the coast, all the rest have been slowly but surely gone. How I miss driving by them! Or rather being driven by them, because yes soon the next generation will never know days of male only drivers. A New era is at its dawn, the dawn of the female drivers in Saudi. A thought which once was the joke of the town, people in the west would say “when pigs will fly… “ people in Saudi would say “when women will drive…” it was considered that impossible an ask, but here we stand at the doorway to the world of impossible. A new age for women in Saudi. AUTHOR: |
AUTHOR: |  |
Health and fitness is not something to achieve, it’s a side effect of great living.
I do not advocate for exercise! I Don’t, I know some healthy living advocate I am right! How can I not stand for exercise??
I’ll tell you why not, it achieves nothing! (Did she just say that! Like seriously!!) oh yes I seriously did!
Ok let me flip the question what do you think exercise achieves?
Think about it, I mean really truly deeply think about it. What are you getting out of it? You put in time and energy, you burn fuel, but what is the outcome? Nothing, nada, zip, zero!
Ever see a farmer exercise? Ever see sailor exercise? Are they fit? Are they healthy? Are they active? (And yes I am just generalising at the moment, I am sure there are some who do, but just hear me out for a moment on this one.)
I advocate for being active!
There is a big difference in being active and exercising.
Exercise is like a roundabout: you can drive around it for hours, burn all your fuel, but get no where. Being active is the winding country road that not only burns fuel, but takes you to a destination whilst also giving you a great view until you get there too.
We need to start rethinking what it is to be healthy, truly healthy.
I’ll tell you why I don’t think people who exercise are not necessarily truly healthy. They work all day look after all their domestic affairs and then have to make time to burn calories all the while not achieving anything with those burnt calories.
What do you have to show for them, some abs maybe, but someone who does back breaking work can also show you abs too; all the while also show you the fruits of his labour too. He achieves something when he burns calories, he creates, makes, grows, does something with those calories. He isn’t just burning calories for the sake of burning calories.
Let’s take a step back in time shall we, say a century or two ago, did gyms exist? Did we need gyms? No people were naturally fit. (I know not everyone, I am not referring to everyone, neither back then nor now for that matter, there are always exceptions to the rules). Men, women children, everyone did work that was labour intensive, this meant that people were naturally “getting a work out” while just getting on with their daily life chores. No one had to make time on top of their work and chores to burn calories. You ate to get energy to work and you worked to get food on the table it was a natural cycle.
Now I am not saying that we all need to go back in time and live how people did back then, no (even though that would be ultra cool). What I am suggesting is instead of making time for the gym, we need to make time for things that we enjoy, that we can create, make and do, that will get us naturally active due of the nature of the activity.
Now I know you can say well why does it matter, why do I have to do an “active activity” when I am happy burning calories in the gym? That is my “active activity” I enjoy it. Yes no doubt there are people who do enjoy going to the gym, it makes them “feel better” and they get a satisfaction out of it. In which case fair enough carry on, I am not suggesting you stop. If you truly enjoy it, then it is beneficial and health giving to you. I am not anti exercise! I am just not pro drilling it into people as a must.
I am here to talk to all those people who feel they have to go to the gym, to keep fit and healthy. People who really struggle to fit it into their schedule, people who really don’t fit into the whole gym culture.
I am here to tell you that you do not have to!
Do not force something upon yourself that does not come naturally to you, otherwise you loose any benefit that you can gain from it. After all health is more than waist size! True health only comes to be-ing when you are truly happy in your being, in your skin, in your life. This pressure that is felt of having to “keep fit” and “active” of having to work out everyday or week, it is not natural, it is not healthy. It is much more health giving for you to indulge into a new hobby that keeps you active naturally. All this step counting and calorie watching, that is not health giving, on the contrary it is health robbing! Why, because you are living in stress! One already has enough stress in the modern world, lets not add to it shall we!
Let's live a little shall we and do things for the sheer joy of doing.
Create things!
Creativity is relaxing, healing and health restoring!
Spend time out doors, go exploring new parks, go walking with your family, play games, sports with them in parks, or sports centre, build things, restore things, grow things, but do it for the joy of doing it and not because you feel you have to!
Now more than ever people are waking up to “being active” for their health sake, to avoid catching the next bug or virus that comes along. Yet again though, the importance of it is emphasised in a way where it feels yet again a chore, “a must”; a sort of stress and anxiety takes over one if they did not go out for their “daily walk”.
Again this is not health giving, its robbing!
Yes of course you should go out for walks, nothing wrong with it, just like there is nothing wrong with going to the gym, but what is wrong is how the whole things plays out within us, within our minds.
Is it really putting us in the rest and relax state, or is it still keeping us in the fight and flight state I wonder…
…. and so should you!
I do not advocate for exercise! I Don’t, I know some healthy living advocate I am right! How can I not stand for exercise??
I’ll tell you why not, it achieves nothing! (Did she just say that! Like seriously!!) oh yes I seriously did!
Ok let me flip the question what do you think exercise achieves?
Think about it, I mean really truly deeply think about it. What are you getting out of it? You put in time and energy, you burn fuel, but what is the outcome? Nothing, nada, zip, zero!
Ever see a farmer exercise? Ever see sailor exercise? Are they fit? Are they healthy? Are they active? (And yes I am just generalising at the moment, I am sure there are some who do, but just hear me out for a moment on this one.)
I advocate for being active!
There is a big difference in being active and exercising.
Exercise is like a roundabout: you can drive around it for hours, burn all your fuel, but get no where. Being active is the winding country road that not only burns fuel, but takes you to a destination whilst also giving you a great view until you get there too.
We need to start rethinking what it is to be healthy, truly healthy.
I’ll tell you why I don’t think people who exercise are not necessarily truly healthy. They work all day look after all their domestic affairs and then have to make time to burn calories all the while not achieving anything with those burnt calories.
What do you have to show for them, some abs maybe, but someone who does back breaking work can also show you abs too; all the while also show you the fruits of his labour too. He achieves something when he burns calories, he creates, makes, grows, does something with those calories. He isn’t just burning calories for the sake of burning calories.
Let’s take a step back in time shall we, say a century or two ago, did gyms exist? Did we need gyms? No people were naturally fit. (I know not everyone, I am not referring to everyone, neither back then nor now for that matter, there are always exceptions to the rules). Men, women children, everyone did work that was labour intensive, this meant that people were naturally “getting a work out” while just getting on with their daily life chores. No one had to make time on top of their work and chores to burn calories. You ate to get energy to work and you worked to get food on the table it was a natural cycle.
Now I am not saying that we all need to go back in time and live how people did back then, no (even though that would be ultra cool). What I am suggesting is instead of making time for the gym, we need to make time for things that we enjoy, that we can create, make and do, that will get us naturally active due of the nature of the activity.
Now I know you can say well why does it matter, why do I have to do an “active activity” when I am happy burning calories in the gym? That is my “active activity” I enjoy it. Yes no doubt there are people who do enjoy going to the gym, it makes them “feel better” and they get a satisfaction out of it. In which case fair enough carry on, I am not suggesting you stop. If you truly enjoy it, then it is beneficial and health giving to you. I am not anti exercise! I am just not pro drilling it into people as a must.
I am here to talk to all those people who feel they have to go to the gym, to keep fit and healthy. People who really struggle to fit it into their schedule, people who really don’t fit into the whole gym culture.
I am here to tell you that you do not have to!
Do not force something upon yourself that does not come naturally to you, otherwise you loose any benefit that you can gain from it. After all health is more than waist size! True health only comes to be-ing when you are truly happy in your being, in your skin, in your life. This pressure that is felt of having to “keep fit” and “active” of having to work out everyday or week, it is not natural, it is not healthy. It is much more health giving for you to indulge into a new hobby that keeps you active naturally. All this step counting and calorie watching, that is not health giving, on the contrary it is health robbing! Why, because you are living in stress! One already has enough stress in the modern world, lets not add to it shall we!
Let's live a little shall we and do things for the sheer joy of doing.
Create things!
Creativity is relaxing, healing and health restoring!
Spend time out doors, go exploring new parks, go walking with your family, play games, sports with them in parks, or sports centre, build things, restore things, grow things, but do it for the joy of doing it and not because you feel you have to!
Now more than ever people are waking up to “being active” for their health sake, to avoid catching the next bug or virus that comes along. Yet again though, the importance of it is emphasised in a way where it feels yet again a chore, “a must”; a sort of stress and anxiety takes over one if they did not go out for their “daily walk”.
Again this is not health giving, its robbing!
Yes of course you should go out for walks, nothing wrong with it, just like there is nothing wrong with going to the gym, but what is wrong is how the whole things plays out within us, within our minds.
Is it really putting us in the rest and relax state, or is it still keeping us in the fight and flight state I wonder…
…. and so should you!
AUTHOR:
MAE
Original post of 11/11/20
Fiza Club's very own Youtube Channel is now up and running! Catch the Story train series now available on Youtube!
These are a collection of bed time stories made up by me on the spur of the moment with characters that my children concoct moments before.
They are not pre- written "well edited" literature pieces, they are very "raw" and "organic" story telling with hidden messages of good and kindness.
The videos are created with bedtime in mind so no animation, only imagination!
I have been telling these little stories for some time now, but only recently started recording them so they can be shared and treasured for years to come! Insha Allah!
As always they are not "perfect", but like I keep saying we need to stop striving for perfection and focus on memory making!
These are magical memories from my home, maybe they will inspire magical memories for your home!
Much love!
MAE
These are a collection of bed time stories made up by me on the spur of the moment with characters that my children concoct moments before.
They are not pre- written "well edited" literature pieces, they are very "raw" and "organic" story telling with hidden messages of good and kindness.
The videos are created with bedtime in mind so no animation, only imagination!
I have been telling these little stories for some time now, but only recently started recording them so they can be shared and treasured for years to come! Insha Allah!
As always they are not "perfect", but like I keep saying we need to stop striving for perfection and focus on memory making!
These are magical memories from my home, maybe they will inspire magical memories for your home!
Much love!
MAE
AUThor: |  |
Your life's works, takes a lifetime of work.
Although some can say my "this chapter" is yet to begin, or that I am currently in the "introduction chapter" of this book, but learning and developing does not start from any one singular moment, it is a result of many little seemingly unconnected moments combined which lead you to a place, to a space, to a doing, to a becoming, to a Be-ing.
When you stand back from life and think when did I start "this" journey, or "that" journey, you realise you were ALWAYS on this journey. Everything you were, or are, or have been, or have done, has led you to this point of being. It is not isolated landmarks that have brought you here, but rather each and every big and small road, every twist and turn, bump and ditch, every encounter with every person has all been essential for shaping and allowing your presence in this space; which you have always meant to have been in.
Going forward, as well, it is not milestones that will allow you to be, but your entire existence and journey will be what enables you to become. You are not separate from your journey, your journey is there to unfold your self-discovery.
Every moment
Every place,
defines, refines & shapes....
Although some can say my "this chapter" is yet to begin, or that I am currently in the "introduction chapter" of this book, but learning and developing does not start from any one singular moment, it is a result of many little seemingly unconnected moments combined which lead you to a place, to a space, to a doing, to a becoming, to a Be-ing.
When you stand back from life and think when did I start "this" journey, or "that" journey, you realise you were ALWAYS on this journey. Everything you were, or are, or have been, or have done, has led you to this point of being. It is not isolated landmarks that have brought you here, but rather each and every big and small road, every twist and turn, bump and ditch, every encounter with every person has all been essential for shaping and allowing your presence in this space; which you have always meant to have been in.
Going forward, as well, it is not milestones that will allow you to be, but your entire existence and journey will be what enables you to become. You are not separate from your journey, your journey is there to unfold your self-discovery.
Every moment
Every place,
defines, refines & shapes....
AUTHOR: |  |
Do you remember your childhood?
Maybe it was a joyful one or maybe it was not. What do you remember of it?
Let me describe to you what I remember.
I remember games, playing, simple life, simple home and being very happy in that space. I never felt worried for anything. I never remember a conversation which made me think I should stop playing and be concerned or worried for something. I grew up in Saudi, we lived through the Gulf War and yet I do not remember any feelings of sadness or worry or concern. When I look back at my childhood I remember it fondly, I remember it to be a wonderful time. I remember it as an “easy” “trouble-free” time. But war?? I mean you are living in a country at war is that really a “trouble-free” space?? No it definitely is not, but my parents never had a single conversation in front of me that would alarm me. Never did they lead on that we didn’t have “enough” money. They had to calculate whether they could afford to buy an ice cream this month for me. An ice cream. One! But I never knew that! Time just flowed as did life.
I never knew that I was a “girl”, I knew I was a child. As I walked passed a slightly ajar toilet door in first grade I thought that the boy in there was ill, which caused his body to be “deformed”. I felt so so sorry for him. I didn’t know for the longest time that what I had glimpsed was a penis! I thought he was hurting and his body swelled up. I still remember the genuine sympathy I had for him! Wanting to go up and asking are you in a lot of pain? Innocence its precious! We need to treat it as such! (Thank god though that I didn’t go up and ask him! Thankfully even then some childish common sense thankfully prevailed! Can you imagine if I had! How embarrassing!)
Anyway
As I reflect I have this feeling of being one with something, I can’t quite put into words what; but I remember around my tenth year or so emerging from this oneness space and waking up into myself. It’s a difficult feeling to describe. Almost like you are part of this massive bowl of fruit custard and slowly you bob up to the surface and discover yourself to be a cherry, a complete entity in itself. Up until before this point you yourself were not aware that you were an individual entity in and of yourself and simultaneously also part of this bowl full of other separate entities. You thought that you, your family, your surroundings, were all one- a mush of being; with everything being one and connected and attached to each other, nothing being a separate entity. Its only when slowly you wake up that you first realize that the mush can be separated. You get scooped out into a bowl with a ladle, I realisation of your greater family/country/community. Then from that bowl your get spooned up by a dessert spoon, a realisation of your immediate family, where you can see yourself and your parents siblings etc, as little blobs sitting in mush. Then you get picked out from the mush to see you are a little cherry a separate mass and complete in its own right as are your parents and siblings and other family members. You suddenly are woken to the pieces in the mush and the mush and how that they can be viewed both together and separately.
This is the awakening that Rudolph Steiner talks about when he talks about the rubicon, the awakening and realising of yourself as being a “self”, a complete and separate living thing.
*****
In this particular post I do not wish to indulge any further into the Rubicon and what it brings and how to deal with it, that is a topic for another time. In this post I intend to look at our relationship our presence our conversations and its effects on our children and their childhood.
(Btw here in this article when I refer to “child”, I mean from the ages of 0-10 roughly).
*****
If you do not have a fond memory of your childhood, does it not bother you, does it not hurt you, does it not want to make you wish to have it different for your children?
If you do have a fond memory, do you not cherish it? Do you not feel like that is how you want your children to look back at their childhood?
CHILDHOOD, CHILD – hood, not little-adult-hood, not little-person-hood, not mini me, not small human. Not Not Not!
There is a reason it is called “child” hood, there is a reason why there is a differentiation between “child” and “adult” they are two different stages and separate entities of the human life. Don’t dedifferentiate it, don’t blur the lines. If you look at a building you see two parts always, the foundations and the “usable” structure. If you do not build foundations the building is not sturdy. That is what we do if we do not acknowledge that childhood is a different separate and important part of the entity. If you blur the lines you can end up with a foundation that is not strong or capable of preforming its task.
Special precautions go into making a foundation, the ground needs to be dug, needs to be levelled the cement laid the pillars put and the lists go on. Just like that special care and attention needs to take place in childhood. They are not mini adults they should not be exposed to every “truth” they do not need to be given a reality check! They do not need to be troubled with worries. They are not your safety net to pour your problems out in front of.
Be mindful what you say in front of children it has profound and lasting effects. You do not want to leave deep and lasting imprints in your foundation cement causing the foundation to be uneven and weak to lay bricks on top of. That is what we do with our words and actions. Keep your opinions in the adult world, keep your worries to the adult world, keep yourself from encasing your children in your shell. They will grow to beyond your shores if your let them be.
Its not just the words we say to them, its how we say it, they pick up more on your tone and body language than on the actual words themselves. Our presence in their presence is one we need to constantly keep checks on. They pick up on everything that people do in there surroundings, even if you think that they are busy and not looking they will absorb it on a subconscious level. Being mindful of all conversations happening around them, even if it is not directed to them, is vital. Phone conversation with other people, internet, t.v., radio, news, billboards, etc. our children are soaking up and learning from all that they see and hear. From how to act with family and friends to how to react on politicians. From what is “sexual” to what is uncool. What family, love, and relationships look like, to our dealings with road rage and littering. We are ALWAYS the first and longest standing teachers for our children. If you want your children to be a certain way, you first have to be that yourself first. We need to embody the messages we wish to impart to our children.
Imagine a teacher, how would you want your child’s teacher to be with your children, that is how you need to be every waking hour of the day with them. From your actions to your speech, gestures and dressing, to your daily habits, we need to be mindful of what we are portraying to our children, what we are conveying to our children. How and what we shop to what and how we watch, read and learn, they are being moulded by everything around them. Every action or the lack there off, is laying down foundations in their brain, which is forming them into the adult human they will become. The foundations always dictate the structure that can and will be laid upon it!
Why is it so vital for you as a person to tell your child every truth of the world, no matter how ugly, scary, unpleasant or awkward? What are you so afraid of that makes you want to spoil their childhood? You think you are doing them a favour by getting them “ahead” of the curve; instead what you are actually doing is robbing them of their childhood- a space and place which needs to be kept pure and beautiful, so that they can have time to set a deep and strong foundation that will support them all through their life!
These same things can still be taught to them, brought to them, when they are more awake in their teen years, but the childhood stage will never return. Once that time is past, it really is gone! No matter what you do, you can not unset that foundation. When we are at our darkest hours in our adult life, the light we need to get through is the light inside us that we kindled in our childhood, that happy place and memory is what keeps us strong and pulls us through. But if you rob them of that chance to kindle this anchoring light, what will keep them strong? What will bring them through, home and dry from the storm?
Keeping your child in that timeless bubble of happy bliss, is what should be a Right for every child!
For this I voice my concerns today!
For this I stand to fight today!
Happiness is not a feeling, it’s not a place, its a choice! Make that choice for your child today, for if you don’t, they may not be able to make that choice for themselves in the future!!
As Always,
Much love,
MAE
Maybe it was a joyful one or maybe it was not. What do you remember of it?
Let me describe to you what I remember.
I remember games, playing, simple life, simple home and being very happy in that space. I never felt worried for anything. I never remember a conversation which made me think I should stop playing and be concerned or worried for something. I grew up in Saudi, we lived through the Gulf War and yet I do not remember any feelings of sadness or worry or concern. When I look back at my childhood I remember it fondly, I remember it to be a wonderful time. I remember it as an “easy” “trouble-free” time. But war?? I mean you are living in a country at war is that really a “trouble-free” space?? No it definitely is not, but my parents never had a single conversation in front of me that would alarm me. Never did they lead on that we didn’t have “enough” money. They had to calculate whether they could afford to buy an ice cream this month for me. An ice cream. One! But I never knew that! Time just flowed as did life.
I never knew that I was a “girl”, I knew I was a child. As I walked passed a slightly ajar toilet door in first grade I thought that the boy in there was ill, which caused his body to be “deformed”. I felt so so sorry for him. I didn’t know for the longest time that what I had glimpsed was a penis! I thought he was hurting and his body swelled up. I still remember the genuine sympathy I had for him! Wanting to go up and asking are you in a lot of pain? Innocence its precious! We need to treat it as such! (Thank god though that I didn’t go up and ask him! Thankfully even then some childish common sense thankfully prevailed! Can you imagine if I had! How embarrassing!)
Anyway
As I reflect I have this feeling of being one with something, I can’t quite put into words what; but I remember around my tenth year or so emerging from this oneness space and waking up into myself. It’s a difficult feeling to describe. Almost like you are part of this massive bowl of fruit custard and slowly you bob up to the surface and discover yourself to be a cherry, a complete entity in itself. Up until before this point you yourself were not aware that you were an individual entity in and of yourself and simultaneously also part of this bowl full of other separate entities. You thought that you, your family, your surroundings, were all one- a mush of being; with everything being one and connected and attached to each other, nothing being a separate entity. Its only when slowly you wake up that you first realize that the mush can be separated. You get scooped out into a bowl with a ladle, I realisation of your greater family/country/community. Then from that bowl your get spooned up by a dessert spoon, a realisation of your immediate family, where you can see yourself and your parents siblings etc, as little blobs sitting in mush. Then you get picked out from the mush to see you are a little cherry a separate mass and complete in its own right as are your parents and siblings and other family members. You suddenly are woken to the pieces in the mush and the mush and how that they can be viewed both together and separately.
This is the awakening that Rudolph Steiner talks about when he talks about the rubicon, the awakening and realising of yourself as being a “self”, a complete and separate living thing.
*****
In this particular post I do not wish to indulge any further into the Rubicon and what it brings and how to deal with it, that is a topic for another time. In this post I intend to look at our relationship our presence our conversations and its effects on our children and their childhood.
(Btw here in this article when I refer to “child”, I mean from the ages of 0-10 roughly).
*****
If you do not have a fond memory of your childhood, does it not bother you, does it not hurt you, does it not want to make you wish to have it different for your children?
If you do have a fond memory, do you not cherish it? Do you not feel like that is how you want your children to look back at their childhood?
CHILDHOOD, CHILD – hood, not little-adult-hood, not little-person-hood, not mini me, not small human. Not Not Not!
There is a reason it is called “child” hood, there is a reason why there is a differentiation between “child” and “adult” they are two different stages and separate entities of the human life. Don’t dedifferentiate it, don’t blur the lines. If you look at a building you see two parts always, the foundations and the “usable” structure. If you do not build foundations the building is not sturdy. That is what we do if we do not acknowledge that childhood is a different separate and important part of the entity. If you blur the lines you can end up with a foundation that is not strong or capable of preforming its task.
Special precautions go into making a foundation, the ground needs to be dug, needs to be levelled the cement laid the pillars put and the lists go on. Just like that special care and attention needs to take place in childhood. They are not mini adults they should not be exposed to every “truth” they do not need to be given a reality check! They do not need to be troubled with worries. They are not your safety net to pour your problems out in front of.
Be mindful what you say in front of children it has profound and lasting effects. You do not want to leave deep and lasting imprints in your foundation cement causing the foundation to be uneven and weak to lay bricks on top of. That is what we do with our words and actions. Keep your opinions in the adult world, keep your worries to the adult world, keep yourself from encasing your children in your shell. They will grow to beyond your shores if your let them be.
Its not just the words we say to them, its how we say it, they pick up more on your tone and body language than on the actual words themselves. Our presence in their presence is one we need to constantly keep checks on. They pick up on everything that people do in there surroundings, even if you think that they are busy and not looking they will absorb it on a subconscious level. Being mindful of all conversations happening around them, even if it is not directed to them, is vital. Phone conversation with other people, internet, t.v., radio, news, billboards, etc. our children are soaking up and learning from all that they see and hear. From how to act with family and friends to how to react on politicians. From what is “sexual” to what is uncool. What family, love, and relationships look like, to our dealings with road rage and littering. We are ALWAYS the first and longest standing teachers for our children. If you want your children to be a certain way, you first have to be that yourself first. We need to embody the messages we wish to impart to our children.
Imagine a teacher, how would you want your child’s teacher to be with your children, that is how you need to be every waking hour of the day with them. From your actions to your speech, gestures and dressing, to your daily habits, we need to be mindful of what we are portraying to our children, what we are conveying to our children. How and what we shop to what and how we watch, read and learn, they are being moulded by everything around them. Every action or the lack there off, is laying down foundations in their brain, which is forming them into the adult human they will become. The foundations always dictate the structure that can and will be laid upon it!
Why is it so vital for you as a person to tell your child every truth of the world, no matter how ugly, scary, unpleasant or awkward? What are you so afraid of that makes you want to spoil their childhood? You think you are doing them a favour by getting them “ahead” of the curve; instead what you are actually doing is robbing them of their childhood- a space and place which needs to be kept pure and beautiful, so that they can have time to set a deep and strong foundation that will support them all through their life!
These same things can still be taught to them, brought to them, when they are more awake in their teen years, but the childhood stage will never return. Once that time is past, it really is gone! No matter what you do, you can not unset that foundation. When we are at our darkest hours in our adult life, the light we need to get through is the light inside us that we kindled in our childhood, that happy place and memory is what keeps us strong and pulls us through. But if you rob them of that chance to kindle this anchoring light, what will keep them strong? What will bring them through, home and dry from the storm?
Keeping your child in that timeless bubble of happy bliss, is what should be a Right for every child!
For this I voice my concerns today!
For this I stand to fight today!
Happiness is not a feeling, it’s not a place, its a choice! Make that choice for your child today, for if you don’t, they may not be able to make that choice for themselves in the future!!
As Always,
Much love,
MAE
AUTHOR: |
I have always known exactly the culprit of my diet, but knowing is one thing, having the readiness of doing something about it, is a complete other issue altogether.
I am not saying that in a: “I know what is causing me to gain weight” meaning,
What I am referring to, is:
“that, which I am consuming, which I know to be not a good product for my overall wellness”
meaning.
( Just so you know what I mean! :P )
Emotionally you may want to change your diet to improve your health and fitness, to change your dress size, (more often than not); but mentally if you are not in the right space, it really isn't going to happen. You may dive head first into deep waters many a times, but you will only ever stay and swim when truly you are ready to.
“Comfort foods” is the biggest factor with most people, that is the cause for our wellness's down fall. We rely on “comfort foods”, when are body is longing something; that something that you can't really put your finger on. It's this feeling inside, which is gasping for air that draws you to open that larder door and hunt. You don't even often know, what it is that you are hunting for, all you know, is that your body is longing something. You dive for the first thing that may induce a fulfilling of this feeling of want. But truthfully it wasn't that snack your body wanted nor needed, it was something that induced a comfort one gets when they feel “loved”.
This desire of love is not an outward desire, it's not a reflection of the people and situation around you. It's an internal cry from within, for a love that is at a different space then that, which your family can provide.
It's a cry for self love, self forgiveness, self peace, self contentment and self admiration.
We often spend so much of our time and energy loving all those that are around us, spreading so much love outwardly, that we forgot that the body giving, needs some loving too. We forget to love ourselves, take care of ourselves. Admire all that we are and do.
There is often this stigma with taking care of ourselves, especially with women and more so those who are mothers. There is this fear, that we can’t say we are tired, or hungry outside of prescribed meal times, or we would like to do a self indulgent, pleasurable or luxury activity. In some cases, even be seen to be eating “expensive” nourishing produce, that are important for our own personal well being, is “tutted” upon. This fear of society looking down upon us, condoning us, is paralysing even those of us who do want to indulge in self care from achieving this very basic and simple human right!
This type of self neglect, is what is the root cause of not being able to look after ourselves. It’s kind of a vicious circle really: the less you love yourself the more you substitute with “alternate” comfort generators; the worse your health gets, causing you to even more love your self less. In order to break this, we need to consciously make an effort for ourselves. We need to look at ourselves, in a proud, admiring way. Until we do not admire ourselves and feel we are worth of our own personal time, love, care and attention, it will not happen! You can jump into diet plans, after diet plans, it will not “heal” you! Healing only occurs when we allow ourselves to heal.
At the end of the day, your dress size is not a true accurate judgement for your well being, we are all very different, our body needs and requirements are all very different. A person who is a dress size 12, maybe more healthy than that who is a size 8; but equally another person who is a size 8, maybe more health than a different person who is a size 12. Everyone’s metabolism, needs, height, shape, genetical make up of body type, diet, lifestyle, daily routine, emotional and mental health are all so very different, there can not and should not be, a one size fits all with anything!
BIO-INDIVIDUALITY
What is important for your well being, is your emotional and mental wellness. If that is at a healthy place, then the body automatically will fall into its right space!
To look after the physical, one must start the with the mental and emotional, that is what controls the physical. Put that to right first, the rest will slide into the right place.
I am not saying that in a: “I know what is causing me to gain weight” meaning,
What I am referring to, is:
“that, which I am consuming, which I know to be not a good product for my overall wellness”
meaning.
( Just so you know what I mean! :P )
Emotionally you may want to change your diet to improve your health and fitness, to change your dress size, (more often than not); but mentally if you are not in the right space, it really isn't going to happen. You may dive head first into deep waters many a times, but you will only ever stay and swim when truly you are ready to.
“Comfort foods” is the biggest factor with most people, that is the cause for our wellness's down fall. We rely on “comfort foods”, when are body is longing something; that something that you can't really put your finger on. It's this feeling inside, which is gasping for air that draws you to open that larder door and hunt. You don't even often know, what it is that you are hunting for, all you know, is that your body is longing something. You dive for the first thing that may induce a fulfilling of this feeling of want. But truthfully it wasn't that snack your body wanted nor needed, it was something that induced a comfort one gets when they feel “loved”.
This desire of love is not an outward desire, it's not a reflection of the people and situation around you. It's an internal cry from within, for a love that is at a different space then that, which your family can provide.
It's a cry for self love, self forgiveness, self peace, self contentment and self admiration.
We often spend so much of our time and energy loving all those that are around us, spreading so much love outwardly, that we forgot that the body giving, needs some loving too. We forget to love ourselves, take care of ourselves. Admire all that we are and do.
There is often this stigma with taking care of ourselves, especially with women and more so those who are mothers. There is this fear, that we can’t say we are tired, or hungry outside of prescribed meal times, or we would like to do a self indulgent, pleasurable or luxury activity. In some cases, even be seen to be eating “expensive” nourishing produce, that are important for our own personal well being, is “tutted” upon. This fear of society looking down upon us, condoning us, is paralysing even those of us who do want to indulge in self care from achieving this very basic and simple human right!
This type of self neglect, is what is the root cause of not being able to look after ourselves. It’s kind of a vicious circle really: the less you love yourself the more you substitute with “alternate” comfort generators; the worse your health gets, causing you to even more love your self less. In order to break this, we need to consciously make an effort for ourselves. We need to look at ourselves, in a proud, admiring way. Until we do not admire ourselves and feel we are worth of our own personal time, love, care and attention, it will not happen! You can jump into diet plans, after diet plans, it will not “heal” you! Healing only occurs when we allow ourselves to heal.
At the end of the day, your dress size is not a true accurate judgement for your well being, we are all very different, our body needs and requirements are all very different. A person who is a dress size 12, maybe more healthy than that who is a size 8; but equally another person who is a size 8, maybe more health than a different person who is a size 12. Everyone’s metabolism, needs, height, shape, genetical make up of body type, diet, lifestyle, daily routine, emotional and mental health are all so very different, there can not and should not be, a one size fits all with anything!
BIO-INDIVIDUALITY
What is important for your well being, is your emotional and mental wellness. If that is at a healthy place, then the body automatically will fall into its right space!
To look after the physical, one must start the with the mental and emotional, that is what controls the physical. Put that to right first, the rest will slide into the right place.
MY Soapbox
This space features my reflections, opinions, ponderings and from time to time announcements of what I am up to. It literally is me in my corner on my soapbox.
Seeking some direction or motivation for your thoughts or life then look no further!
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