What qualifies one to be a friend or a relationship to be "friendship" as oppose to "acquaintanceship"?
Is it time period? For example: how long you have known one another; or how long you spend with each other; or how often you meet each other?
A lot of the times people we consider as “friends”, we do often meet regularly and for a good length of time; but it's not these things that qualify the relationship to that of the "friendship" status. It's not how long or well you know someone, or how often you meet, but rather the fact that you connect with them that makes them your friend. One can sometimes "click" with someone instantaneously, they just know they are friend material; and on the other hand one can have people in their life they meet very frequently and at lengths, but they do not consider them as a "friend" – why because we do not connect with them and they not with us. So no matter how long one does or doesn't know them they will never become their "friend"; they will always ever be an acquaintance or in some instances a colleague.
Moreover, with colleagues as well, they can be just colleagues or they can be a friend as well as a colleague; depending on how well you connect with them. Sometimes, one does not even want to call a person they work with a colleague either, they feel so unconnected to them that they simply refer to them as a “co-worker”; because even the word “colleague” has a certain level of respect and warmth, and in some cases we feel so removed from the person that even “colleague” feels too endearing a word to acknowledge them with. Its all about how well we do or don’t connect with someone.
And life partners, well they really are just the best and closest of ones’ friends; the one we connect with the most.
Life really is about what and who we connect with.
Sometimes we have people in our lives that we would rather not have, but we have no choice but to put up with them; and sometimes there are people we feel really close to and want close to us and in our life, but we do not have the luxury of their company as we would desire.
Life has its own course that it takes; who, when and for how long life brings together we have no control over. Instead of fighting life’s wisdom, search for that which life is showing you. No conversation, no meeting, no interaction is “random” or “unnecessary”. Every conversation we have, every interaction we part-take has a purpose. A necessary energy exchange needs to happen with those that are presented; and energy exchanges with those that are not present are not meant to happen, for whatever reason.
Stop fighting life!
Listen to it.
I have had “random”, “fleeting” conversations with practical “strangers” that have been life changing!
No conversation, no interaction, is random or unnecessary!
Everyone has an important role to play in the lives of the people that they interact with.
Nowadays FOMO is a growing problem for people, they constantly feel they are missing out on something important. They need to know what converstaions and meetings are happening between whom and about what. Stop fretting. Just like no one can take what is yours and you cannot take what is not yours. No conversation that you should have been present in, you will ever miss; and no conversation that you were better left out of, you will ever attend.
The problem is our Ego.
We let our Ego get the better of us.
We think that we should be in the know of this or be part of that, but Allah always knows and does best. HE knows better than anything and all; what we need, when we need it and how. Trust in HIS plan, for HE is the best of planners, Subhan Allah!
Like I have said above I have been in literally life changing conversations that I didn’t even know were going to take place. The direction they took me in was not even on my radar, better yet the fact that I needed a change of direction itself was not even on my radar either. So before the “random” stranger spoke to me I didn’t even know I have to make a life changing decision after this conversation that would come from the conversation!
How mind blowing is that?!
So now I trust in Allah’s plans! I don’t force things, I don’t avoid things, I just live true to myself in every moment and let life unfold itself for me and take me where I need to go when I need to; because Allah guides our life in the best ways possible, Subhan Allah!
So if you are fretting over the people you have in your life today or fretting over the people you want to have in your life. Don’t. Good, bad, desirable undesirable, life partner, friend, acquaintance, colleague, co-worker, employee, employer, neighbour, relative, local shop-keeper, fellow commuter, stranger, etc.; whoever they maybe that are in your life, they are there by design, not coincidence!
See what energies life is guiding you to exchange with them. Be open to seeing what life is bringing your way as new opportunities for exchanges and growths that were not their before.
And the people that are no longer in your life or have not come in your life, again no need to fret over them either, there is a reason they are not present in your life. We might not always see the wisdom or the reason, but that is where faith comes in; we have to trust in Allah’s wisdom and plan and trust that if they really needed to be with us they would be and as they are not, there is some hidden wisdom there.
Its hard no doubt when you really wish your mother was by your side; or you miss your childhood best friend’s shoulder; or you feel that your crush is the one you are meant to end up with forever, and they are not here. But as hard and harsh and wrong as it may feel, there is wisdom in everything Allah does. Alhumdulillah. If we always got to know the wisdom behind everything then there would be no need for trust and faith.
So my message for you is – Connect. Connect with all that life is bringing forth for you today in the best way that you can; for through every connection we make, energy is exchanged and growth enabled.
Live, Learn, Grow and Connect otherwise we and life becomes stagnant.
Much love to you all.
The biggest mystery of life, women.
But are they really a mystery? I mean seriously, it's really not that complicated is it? What I think is, is that actually it's so simple that people over look it because they expect it to be more complicated and therefore make matters more complicated and mysterious.
Whereas truth be told we are actually really very very simple. All we want is to be noticed and to feel desired. And no, that does not just mean sex. Desired in every way possible. Desired to be with, desired for who we are, what we look like and desired to be loved mentally, emotionally and physically (is that really too much to ask and understand, she laughs).
All we want is to know that we are important to the man who is important to us. Though note, that does not mean being told with words “we are important” but feel that we are important in every way. If one can make a woman feel important in their lives then she will look after everything that is important for you, including herself. Yes self-neglect is a sign of the woman feeling like she is not important to her man. If she stops caring about what she wears and looks like then that is because she feels you don't care much either way what she looks like. And that is not to say that one should be superficial and just care about looks, no definitely not. It's about making her feel that she is important to you. That you do notice when she makes an effort. That you do notice the new top or how her dress hugs her curves and that it does make you look again and again at her. Yes she may have dress comfy pj days and that is fine, but if she feels you are not really bothered much about whether she does or doesn't do something then she will stop doing it which will eventually lead down the low self-esteem and self-neglect road. She wants to know that in certain colours/dresses you can't stop staring at her. She wants to know that her smile makes your heart race. She wants to know that she will still make your head turn every time she walks in the room. She wants to know that you notice all the little things about her.
And that's not to say that you don't, you probably do, but she needs to know that too! Often men can be too closed with their feelings and this is often their downfall. Tell her how she makes you feel. Tell her you like it when she does her hair in certain ways. Tell her, show her, make her feel it and believe it. It really is that simple.
There is no fixed formula, no dos or don'ts. Just tune into your heart and hers and let them be your guide. No need to over complicate matters, no need for expensive displays of affections; be it one rose or a hundred they both still convey the same message and invoke the same feelings. It's not about the quantity but the thought and feeling. Just genuine old fashioned wooing and flirting. People often think flirting is just like "bait" to catch a girls interest in the “early days”, they underestimate the powerful tool it is for all ages and stages of a relationship. Your life partner is not a trophy to be won and placed in a display cabinet; like a plant your relationship needs to be tended to every single day. Nurture and adore your relationship and in return it will nurture and adorn your life.
Life is simple and is about the simple things.
This space features my reflections, opinions, ponderings and from time to time announcements of what I am up to. It literally is me in my corner on my soapbox.
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